youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
