Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
