My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize