I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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