The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think your dad took our porno
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
