it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
