There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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