I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Randomize
