dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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