I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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