dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All I want is dick and wine.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
