PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
