how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize