there was a trapeze. enough said
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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