I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
