allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
