I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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