So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
