Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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