Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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