Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
