Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
