im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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