I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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