it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
