Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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