new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
