I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
