You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
