i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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