listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
