She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
