I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
