Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize