The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
