Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
this is an emotional support booty call
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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