I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Randomize
