I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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