im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize