Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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