you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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