he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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