Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
