I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
