I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How naked do you want me to be?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
