I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
