I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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