whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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