i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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