So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
