I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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