clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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