That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think i have herpe
just one?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
