he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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