Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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