I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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