Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
