guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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