it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
