i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
