Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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