They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
