Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
