Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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