we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
