End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
