I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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