Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
