I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
