I want to walk on stilts...naked
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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