Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize