he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
