we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
