I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
