I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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